Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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