Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
