I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
