New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
