Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
