i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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