Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
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