Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
