If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
