She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
