plz talk dirty to me
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
