where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize