Got a toothbrush?
I wish my penis had an off switch
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
