There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
