someone threw a dead crab at me
Buhtt sex?
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
