you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
