Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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