Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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