the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize