Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
