My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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