I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
