Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
