At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
