All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
