she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
