I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
