New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
being pregnant is like rehab
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
