My Higher Power is John Stamos
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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