I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
