is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Farmville is her only friend.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
