i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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