You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
