I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize