Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
