miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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