So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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