sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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