I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
