I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
