Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
