So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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