How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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