There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
im six kinds of drunk right now
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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