I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
