hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
