can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
