On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
