I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
