On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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