I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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