Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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