She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
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I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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