I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
