My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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