I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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