So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
