I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
