just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
