Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
